The Panera Bread Shooting – Two Years Later

Never have I spoken – much less written – so openly about this day two years ago. But God has redeemed my story and I can’t help but to share His redemption in my life.

Two years ago I walked into Panera Bread and left running for my life. A man had pulled out a gun and shot a police officer. I’d been witness to the incident. I can still vividly remember the sound of the gunshot, someone yelling “9-1-1! He’s got a gun!” and the adrenaline rushing through my body. I remember grabbing my computer and bag and running. I ran out of the door and around the building praying that the gunman wouldn’t come around the corner towards me. I jumped the fence and at the end of the sidewalk there was a mama with her young son. As calmly as I could, I looked her in the eyes and said, “RUN.” Running to my car, my legs burned so severely because of the adrenaline pumping so fast and I began praying out loud, “Lord please save me. Please see fit to save me. Please, please save me.” I made it to my car – keys in hand which is a miracle in and of itself. I threw my computer and bag into the front seat, backed out of the parking spot, and called Ben in hysterics. One of the last things I remember seeing is a man in a gray suit. Later, I would find out that he was following the gunman.

One year later, Ben and I walked back into the Panera Bread for the first time. I showed him exactly where I was sitting that day. I cried when I saw a single white rose placed on the table where Senior Deputy Pat Dailey was sitting. I said I’d never go back into that or any other Panera Bread. Ben said that was okay – I didn’t have to do it ever again if I didn’t want to.

But, you see, God writes the most beautiful stories. They’re filled with adventure and excitement joy and pain and most beautifully, redemption. The day of the shooting, God began to redeem my story. One year and a few months after the incident, I was medically diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD as it’s more commonly known. From the day of the incident to a year and a few months later I struggled daily to go anywhere, especially in loud places with crowds. I lived in fear – the kind that cripples you and makes it nearly impossible to get out of bed – fear was my king and it was also my prison.

With the help of my husband and people God has positioned in my life, I was able to take some healthy steps to manage my PTSD. After a couple of months, it no longer took me hours to get out of bed and I didn’t call Ben every afternoon sobbing and filled with crippling fear. I began to love again, to walk in freedom, and I overthrew the king of fear who had reigned in my life for far too long.

Then, last fall, I read Becoming MomStrong by Heidi St. John and her words resonated with me so deeply. I knew a MomStrong Mom was the kind of mom I wanted to be – the kind of WOMAN I wanted to be known for. I began to find my voice again – to speak truth in love and to love and encourage the women God had placed in my life. I knew this had to be God because this isn’t who I am in my flesh.

Then, one day, the Lord started to suggest that I go back to the very Panera Bread I’d run from. The restaurant is less than a mile from our home and we drive by it almost every day. Overtime, the idea of going back didn’t seem daunting or scary and I even started to think about how nice it would be to have a cup of soup and read a book on a cold winter afternoon by the fireplace. This, I knew, could only be God. Then, I started to think about Becoming MomStrong and how this book would benefit so many others and in the course of a couple days, it was made crystal clear that God was asking me to lead a Community Group. Becoming MomStrong was the book and Panera Bread was the place.

So one Sunday after church I asked Ben if we could just go into Panera Bread. We went right then and little Ethan ran through the Panera Bread and was sure to stop at the bakery to look at the “cake cake.” I walked to the back of the restaurant and just stood for a moment remembering that fateful day. Thanking God for His goodness, for His mercy, and for His protection. Then, we left.

The enemy could no longer claim Panera Bread as a place of fear in my life. This time, I sent him running from the building.

We came home and I was sure I’d be hosting a Community Group called Becoming MomStrong at Panera Bread. I looked at the calendar and our first meeting would be today, Saturday, February 10, 2018 – two years to the day of the shooting.

Only God.

He redeemed this story. He took back what the enemy stole from me on February 10, 2016 and today, February 10, 2018, some sister-girls and I became stronger women, wives, and mamas as we dove into Becoming MomStrong together.

I don’t know what the enemy has taken from you but I know the God who gives it all back more beautifully than we could ever imagine. He is our redeemer.

"We have hope as an anchor for the soul, both sure and steadfast."

Hebrews 6:19